The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
