did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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