U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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