I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
