The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
