The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
