I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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