ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
