the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
