she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
