STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
