Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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