Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
