I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize