I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
