I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
