cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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