please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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