so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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