Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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