ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
