Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
