We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
