your room smells of hookers.
And success
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize