i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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