Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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