I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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