he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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