you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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