Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
