Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
