Do you still have your period?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
