Ambien. No doubt about it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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