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Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to have your abortion
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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