i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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