We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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