screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
