remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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