I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am midnight drunk by noon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
