Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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