gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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