after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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