This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
