I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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