Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
