When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
