I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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