I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
