I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
