do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
