I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
