oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
