I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
