i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
