Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
handjob tips. give me some.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
