I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
