also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
