OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
