What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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