Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
