drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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