I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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