Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize