i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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