my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
