Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
