:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
