Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
