forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
