so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
