You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
