If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
