I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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