She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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