Don't make out with my wife yet
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
