I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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